She Was a Very Good Dog

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It came years later than I expected it, but Fiji is gone. We don't know her exact birthday, but she was 17.5, give or take a month. She was roughly 3 months old when we got her.

Her back legs started to fail her a few weeks ago. It started with some small stumbles, but by this past weekend, she was falling down every 10-15 seconds. She also had a vacant look on her face that said, "I'm not really sure what's going on." It was time.

I have been preparing for this literally for years. I bet I've told the kids "Fiji is nearing the end" 3 or 4 times over the past few years. Yet she kept trucking. I told them the same thing this past Sunday night as they went to bed, and I knew that it was for real this time. I don't know if they believed me or not. Jordan hopped out of bed to give her a nice pet, so perhaps she did. My halting voice may have betrayed my emotions.

By the time they woke up in the morning, she was gone. I took her to an emergency clinic around 11 PM.

The whole process was far more difficult than I anticipated. I had convinced myself that I had been mourning her passing for the past 3 years since I was constantly living in the anticipation that it was imminent. As a result, I figured I'd be fine when it actually happened.

I was very wrong.

I completely lost it three times. First, when I mentally accepted that her stumbles were not due to a sore foot and that she wouldn't be getting better this time. Second, when I hung up the phone from my Covid-required remote check-in from the parking lot after being told "the nurse will be out to get her soon." And third, when the chemicals went in. I was a complete mess.

But oddly enough, it cleared once she was actually gone. I felt an immense sense of peace wash over me. I knew I didn't put down a healthy dog, and I knew it was time. I did what I had to do.

I think writing this post is the last step in my grieving process.

To be honest, life is going to get way easier without her here. Don't get me wrong, I miss her, and it's odd not to be able to look to my side and see her while I write this, but if I'm being completely honest she hasn't been much of a companion for the last year and a half. She spent most of her time either sleeping or pacing. She had been waking Caleb up at night with her pacing (his bed is closest to hers), and she needed help getting in and out of the RV. We had to constantly worry about how she'd be if we left her for any period of time, which we had to do on occasion because many activities don't allow pets. We'd just leave the A/C running and put puppy pee pads out, praying she'd choose to use them. It wasn't fair to her. The plan was for her to die before this trip started, but she didn't cooperate!

That said, I was determined not to put my dog down just because she was an inconvenience. And I didn't.

I'll close with the first pictures we took of her 17+ years ago right after picking her up from the Catawba County animal shelter on May 18, 2004...



... followed by the very last video I took of her hiking at Shenandoah National Park with us last weekend:


Yes, that was top speed at the end!

Fiji was a very good dog.

Comments

  1. Nana and GrampsJuly 1, 2021 at 7:08 PM

    Fiji was a VERY good dog! Nana and I took so much joy in her visits to our house and her semi-frequent overnight stays with us. She will be missed. But we can all rest assured knowing that Fiji had a VERY good life! Gramps

    ReplyDelete

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