What You Should Bring on Your RV Trip (by Caleb)

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If by some random reason — maybe you want to be out there with no worries, or you just NEED A REST FROM YOUR KIDS' ENDLESS AND POINTLESS TALKING!!! — you'll probably want an RV trip. But! you don't want just ANY RV trip you want THE RV trip. A trip that will make you feel free of the world's problems. A trip that will be the best vacation OF ALL TIME. Well, you are in luck my friend! for I have put together a list of what you SHOULD bring on your, 'The RV trip.' Enjoy!

Full size soap bottles

There you are after a long day of driving. YOU NEED TO TAKE A SHOWER!!! You feel like you have bugs crawling ALL OVER YOU. So you head to the bathroom to get your 'super small travel size soap' that will make your RV shower experience efficient and easy! But your wife/child/cousin beat you to it! You wait twenty minutes for your wife/child/cousin to get out. When they finally get out you realize your wife/child/cousin has used ALL the hot water. NNNOOO! You wait another twenty minutes and you have finally get into your nice hot "RV efficient shower" when you realize your wife/child/cousin has emptied your  'super small travel size soap' in one squirt! NNNOOO! CERTAIN DOOOOOOOOOOM...

Paper towels

There you are driving on the road once again. You have just bought your favorite soda from the gas station and are opening it because you are thirsty. BUT, the truck driver in front of you is thirty years older than she should probably be. She sees litter and starts weeping. For some reason she slams on the brakes while halfway onto the exit ramp. You follow suit and karate kick the brake petal. Every one of your precious belongings flies forward (your China cat flies into the neighbor's car) but worst of all, your drink spills ALL over the dashboard. You get all your RV efficient tiny towels but it's not enough! This can only mean one thing, CERTAIN DOOOOOOOOOOM..

Scissors

There you are trying to open your very favorite snack with your newly clipped nails. Unfortunately the slippery plastic smugly evades your hardest efforts. You try everything you can think of: pliers, chainsaw, car keys, sharp stick, and your brothers elite nerf gun but nothing works. You drive to your local store, but they are all out of anything sharp. You hop four stores looking for a knife but you come back to you RV without any luck. But when you get home you find your wife/child/cousin eating your precious snacks that he/she opened with grandma's sewing needle. NOOO CERTAIN DOOOOOOOOOOM..

Lots of snacks

There you are driving another six-hour drive. Your greatest companions are snacks. Unfortunately your dog ate them all... WHY IS THE WORLD SO CRUEL?! You stop at the nearest gas station to get a ten dollar chip bag but your dog eats those too... *sob*. In your hunger you crash into the gas station and send the whole aisle of chips flying and have to pay one thousand dollars for the overpriced chips. Then... your dog eats every single snack. That's when your wife/child/cousin finds raisins in the pantry BUT OF COURSE YOU HATE RAISINS!!! So your wife/child/cousin and your dog dine on raisins happily for the rest of the trip. NNNOOO!

GPS

There you are cruising at ninety miles an hour on a two laned road. And you thought it was pointless buy a GPS device! Unfortunately there is a bridge that won't fit your RV. You drive right under it, shattering your "Happy Home On The Road" sign that Aunt Helen made you. You have missed seventy-two turns, over turned a slower golf cart, and smashed the twenty mile an hour speed limit sign, all while oblivious (you are probably playing chess with your brother). You nearly flatten a police officer's car. (Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to get up and use the RV's restroom.) You stop at a rest area on route 66 followed by more police officers than you've seen in your entire life. Your wife/child/cousin complains because he/she tried to wash her hands but ended up soaking the ceiling. The police officer comes over and talks to you. "Sir! Do you know what we've been following you for?" You reply, "Well, how's a guy like me supposed to know!?"

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